March 26

He’ll Never Be My Everything

One of the reasons I seem to have trouble finding a ‘relationship’ or getting into one – hell, even finding a date for that matter – is because I don’t believe in the ‘conventional’ relationship.

The dynamics of the ‘relationship’ are changing – as some people are now more focused on their own personal goals and choosing to stay single later on into life – but the vast majority of people I meet still have a pretty narrow view on what it means to be ‘in a relationship’.

Man and woman meet. Man and woman fall in love. Man and woman spend thousands of dollars on a piece of paper that says, “I love you”. Man and woman buy house. Man and woman make babies. Man and woman do the same 9-5 thing for the next 40 some odd years. Man and woman move to new home  for more ‘mature’ people. Aforementioned children are now changing man and woman’s diapers.

(And if you’re not part of the 50% that make it this far, you’re probably part of the 50% that pay a few more thousand just to have that piece of paper destroyed so you can start all over again. Rest assured though, someone will still be changing your diapers.)

Blech.

I’d have a more fun taking up knitting and adopting 40 cats – and I don’t even like cats. However, if I put some serious effort into it – my knitting would keep me warm at night.

Okay, I am exaggerating (very mildly), and I know it can be – and is – much more fulfilling and exciting that that. But that scenario, defined by society, is the typical life process of two people (in a nutshell). I won’t argue that complacency is the right thing for some, nor do I have anything against those who do it.

But it’s not for me.

And I don’t really believe in that whole “this is my other half” crap. Last time I checked, I was a whole person.

In my opinion, my kind of relationship is when two wholes come together and forge a dynamic duo – full of love-filled super powers.

Personally, I have a laundry list of goals. I want to own my own business. I want to travel. I want to write a book. Then I want to travel some more. I’d like to pursue my interest in philanthropy. I want to go mountain climbing. Sky diving. Horse back riding in the desert. I want to see and do shit. Lots of it. Maybe there will be a kid or two in there somewhere – but there are parts of my life I want to live before giving life. And I’d like to share those experiences with someone.

I’m not saying that being in a relationship hinders any of those things. It’s finding the right kind of person that has the same kind of mind frame as me that’s been the biggest challenge. The kind of person that can appreciate the present moment and doesn’t put a time stamp on so-called milestones just because ‘society said we should’. Society has this standard that that’s what people my age do – get married, pop out babies, and become another cog in the wheel of the proverbial rat race to get out of debt and pay down the mortgage.

Once again, blech.

Most of the men I have met recently tell me they want to get married and have kids. They want their ‘other half’, they want to feel ‘complete’, and they want a woman that becomes their ‘everything’.

How romantic.

Not.

When someone becomes an ‘everything’, what does that mean? “You’re my everything”. Think about it. Doesn’t that sound a bit ridiculous? If ‘everything’ you have is the result of something or someone else – what did you have before?

So, I decided to google it – and naturally, I found thousands upon thousands images of hearts and what not to give to your ‘everything’.
I also decided to make my own version ->

Let’s say the unfortunate should happen (which most people don’t even want to think about), and you lose your ‘everything’… theoretically, you would then be left with – well, nothing. But you’re not though, because you still have YOU, and that should be ‘something’, right? For a lot of people, they haven’t discovered that ‘something’. And if you don’t have a clear idea of what that ‘something’ is – the relationship with yourself – be prepared to feel a whole lot of yup, you guessed it – nothing.

Most of the men I currently meet also get annoyed because I don’t have as much free time as they do. Some of them, don’t understand why and how I don’t have a favorite TV show, movie, or why I don’t have oodles of free time when I’m not at work. I’m usually working on one of my other projects (I have many), or doing something active, or doing something that involves learning.

“But I haven’t seen you for a WHOLE week! Why are you so busy all the time?!  Wahhhhhh!”

Sniff, sniff.

Not my kind of man, not my kind of life.

I wan’t a man in my life – but I also want a life in my man.

The kind of man I want isn’t around every waking moment of every day. He has goals of his own, and doesn’t need me around 24/7. When we are together, we have fun – and when we’re not, we know how to stand on our own two feet.

He doesn’t live life ‘for me’ – he lives it for him. We’re not each others reason for living – we’ve been living up until this point – so I’d say we already had one. We’re on each others journey for the ride – because some experiences are too good not to share, and we have a damn good time together. He doesn’t take care of me – but he cares for me. We’re there to help each other through the challenges, not as a way to escape them.

We don’t ‘need’ each other to live. We want each other to live.

He doesn’t mind if I go out with the girls – and he doesn’t fear being put in the ‘dog house’ when he decides on a night with the boys. (Seriously, it astounds me the number of men that live in fear of the dog house. If someone put me in the dog house for wanting to be me – I’d be looking for a new house.) Hell, if he wants to hit up a strip club, I’d probably toss in a few loonies myself.

We make compromises and sacrifices just like anyone else. We don’t solely depend on each other for happiness, we simply add to the happiness that we already had. Our relationship is an added bonus on top of the relationship we already have – with ourselves.

We’ll never be each others ‘everything’… but we’ll be each others ‘extra thing’.

Sounds like ‘everything’ I could ever want.

Now… I just have to find him.

But, I’m sure ‘everything’ will come together in due time.

Also, I couldn’t help but add this tacky photo – but it’s not bad to look at and it sums up the added benefit I’m after quite nicely:

March 10

Why I Will Never Settle ‘In This Life’

There are a few reasons why I’ve never been one to simply ‘settle’. One of those reasons has to do with a dear friend of mine, Rod Black.

Those that know me well, know that I worked in the music and entertainment industry for quite some time. While I did have the opportunity to travel, meet and work with a number of inspiring artists, none have had quite as much of an impact on my life as the man I met close to ten years ago.

Rod’s message of never giving up has relayed into all parts of my life – whether it’s my professional life, or even my non existent love life. It has never mattered what my situation has been, he has always been one of the constants in my life that has always said, “if there is anyone that will do it, it’s you.”

There’s a lot of people that will always tell you to keep going, follow your dreams, etc etc. But some of those very people, are also people that don’t take their own advice.

What’s unique about Rod’s words is that he is the EPITOME of perseverance.

Rod had not one, but two near death experiences. One of which, he was pronounced dead. The other – when he was a passenger in a car that flipped several times.

That didn’t stop him.

Those experiences formulated much of the content in his last album, “In This Life”, which included a song called “I’m Breathing”, which tells much of his story.

I know first hand that the music industry is one of the most difficult to find sustainability. But, he keeps going – he knows who he is, what he has to offer, and that there is something out there for him. Another message that holds true to my life.

There are days when I feel frustrated and think that maybe it would be easiest to settle. For some odd reason, my phone will ring out of the blue on those days – and often it’s Rod calling to tell me he was thinking of me. It’s almost as if he can read my mind from wherever he is.

The realization of self-value and the decision to keep going comes from within. But when I hear that voice, it’s just one more reminder to never settle.

What voice is this? Check out the video below…

A few other things worth checking out:

Keep Going Tweets
More of Rod’s music on Facebook

If you have someone in your life that gives you that extra push, then please share this!

March 7

The Journey to Commission

I think that I’ve been in love once.

I say that I ‘think’ I was – because in order to truly be in love with someone else, you have to also be in love with yourself.

I wasn’t.

Nonetheless, there were butterfly feelings and moments of giddiness, and there was even a spark in my eye. I remember the feelings of being in a crowd and no one else mattered. I remember how we made even the smallest things into the most exciting adventures. I was sure that I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with that person.

It didn’t end on the best terms, and for a long time afterwards I only associated that relationship with the heartache it brought… but now as I look back, I mainly remember the good times, and can’t help but smile and be thankful.

I’m also thankful that it’s over.

No doubt I did love the person, and a part of me always will. But, knowing what I know about myself now – I’m not sure if it was ME that was actually in love. I think I was in love with the feeling like this relationship finally made me feel ‘defined’.

Defined by someone else.

At that point of my life, I had no idea that definition comes from within. Within?! What the hell does that mean?!

I knew that he brought out a lot of good qualities in me – and he made me feel great about myself. But, I can’t say that I was myself around him – because at the time, I really didn’t know who ‘myself’ was. For the most part, I was ignorant to the lack of happiness that was on the inside. I was blinded by the notion that since someone else made me feel happy,  this MUST be ‘happiness’, therefore “I” must be happy too.

I wasn’t that young… in my mid twenties  – and although I did have more life experience than the average person my age, I was still floundering through life trying to come up with a ‘place’ for myself. There was a point with him that I believed that I had found that ‘place’ and I had stopped challenging myself. I now had someone to love me – what more did I need? He always would – and that’s all that matters, right?!

Wrong.

It took me well over a year to let it all go. Maybe even two. I remember listening to Selena Ryder’s song ‘Weak in the Knees’ on repeat for days – even months on end. (Have a listen – it’s a great song!) I remember hanging on to all the momentos, even trying to be around the same mutual friends we shared – in a plea of desperation to hang on to even a morsel of that ‘happiness’. More than once, I even toyed with the idea of trying to go for a second chance.

I was torturing myself. And quite honestly, I would have likely ended up right back where I started.

I’m not really sure at what point in time the whole ‘journey’ started – maybe it was on a dateless night reading one too many psychology books – but I do remember it hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I remember that ‘AHA’ moment. The day that I decided to let it go.

I actually remember singing in my car that day. I sing (awfully) in my car all the time – but something was different was about that time. It was full of energy, like all the thoughts I had were escaping through my mouth. And it WASN’T to Selena Ryder.

The day that I realized I was FREE.

I know that I bounced back and forth a few times and I had moments feeling like I really didn’t know if what I was feeling was right. In a way I felt guilty that I was letting it go – but I also realized that I was giving far too much attention to yesterday, and not the moment I was in.

My only way to move forward, was to… well, move forward.

I know that relationships are meant for two people to grow together. But I also think that it happens when growth comes from within, first. In our case, neither one of us experienced either.

What happens if who we are is based off the ideals of someone else?

How can we depend on others for happiness if we can’t first depend on ourselves?

If we don’t know who we are, who do we become when we are left with ourselves?

These are questions I spent the last few years answering. Undoubtedly, single life has been A LOT longer than I would have anticipated – or have really wanted. Life is short admittedly, there are times I wish I had someone to share things with. Someone to share my goals with, someone to take spontaneous road trips with, or someone just to sit in silence with. I definitely need someone to go skydiving with – because it is a goal… one that I’m much to chicken shit to do myself. But, at the same time – hanging out with myself has been quite the adventure in its own right.

My life is far from perfect – and I’m still learning a ton of lessons the hard way and I’m always getting to know myself. The only difference now – is that I know how to live WITH myself.

Now that I’ve got that covered – there’s a much better chance that I can live with someone else, too.

No longer am I looking for ‘definition’ – but rather ‘commission’… a little something extra on top of I already have.