April 30

The Magic Within


I mentioned not long ago that I’ve begun to work on my first book. Well, technically – I wrote and illustrated my first short story at the age of four, but for some reason there weren’t too many publishers that were interested.  I can say with 111% certainty that it’s one of the harder things I’ve attempted – however, I have no doubt it will come together one word at a time.

What is my book about? Great question! I have no idea. I’m letting it flow together on its own. I’m pretty excited to see what transpires – who knows, maybe it will end up in the recycle bin. Maybe it will end up on a bookshelf. The opportunities are endless, really.

I wanted to share a small section of the words that have been piecing themselves together. This is just one small, magical story in the many I’ve written about so far… hope you enjoy!



“The Early Days and the Magic Within”

“Even though I had let go of the constraints of Religion and opened myself up to more – if someone would have told me ten years ago that I would one day be communicating with Angels and Spirit Guides, receiving signs and messages from an infinite higher power I would have LOL’d. Maybe even laughed my ass right off.

As if.

I had associated anything that came from bigger realms to Religion and I did not believe in Religion, so why would I believe in anything bigger than me?

However, I always did have a high awareness my entire life and had a pretty good understanding of synchronicity and karma – but, the idea that I could communicate with anything beyond what I could see with my own eyes seemed pretty ridiculous, never mind whimsical light-filled beings from the heavens.

Give me an effing break.


We all have them. Magical abilities that have been tapped into and forgotten about – often hidden away under layers of ego, illusion – and buried under a lifetimes’ of built up fears. Clairsentience (clear feeling), claircognizance (clear knowing), clairvoyance (clear seeing) and clairaudience (clear hearing) -more intelligently known as metaphysical senses… but let’s face it, life is more interesting when you can say you’re capable of magic.

That is really what it is. Whether or not you pay attention to your own magic is up to you.

clairaudioIt has been my claircognizance and clairaudience that have been my strongest senses and despite having my ego around neither have never really left me, but rather been dormant at times. Underneath it all, however, I’ve always had a sense of clear hearing and knowing that has been far beyond what my egoic mind communicates to me. It’s only been in the past couple years that I have learned to tap into these abilities more frequently.

When I am in a meditative or lucid state, I am often able to pick up others conversations rather easily. I haven’t yet mastered this completely, but it works much like an AM/FM radio. I don’t necessarily know the location or who I am tuning in to, but nonetheless I often hear some pretty interesting things. And I hear them distinctly. Communicating directly with Universal Intelligence is an entirely different story which I will get into later in this book.

My first realizations that was something ‘different’ where when I was a child. I often felt like I didn’t fit in. I didn’t have many friends in school and I was often made fun of for being ‘too quiet’. At certain times I was ridiculed by my members of my family for not talking enough.  I was always the last one chosen for any team (thanks a lot, by the way) and I usually stood on the sidelines as others assembled their play groups during recess break. I simply preferred to observe. I found that I was usually quite aware of my surroundings and I seemed to notice more and knew things that most others around me did not.

I never really did talk about anything because it often appeared that I was the only one in my environment that saw things ‘differently’. I suppressed many of these things for the majority of my life. As a child, feeling out of place can result in fearing the way you feel into your adult life.

Into my early adult life, I also had an incredibly strong intuition and the ability to visualize things that I just simply KNEW as truths (claircognizance). There were times when information would come to me and I didn’t know how, but it did… sometimes I would hear it in a distinctive voice  that was not my own (clairaudience) and other times I would see it more vividly than the things I saw with my eyes.  As I grew older and nestled into a life led by my ego my intuition remained strong but my ‘magic’ was easily ignored and became much more sporadic over the years.

I can recall very clearly several experiences where I have been able to utilize my metaphysical senses, probably without even being conscious that I was doing so. The difference between now and then, is that I’ve become acutely aware of it.

Here’s one of my favorite recollections:

Diamond in the Rough

My Mother was notorious for misplacing her car keys and wallet – so when it happened (at least a mildly exaggerating once a month), we would roll our eyes and just assume that it was like any other time and it would show up eventually.

This time was different; someone had stolen her entire purse. She was more frantic than usual and there have been few times in my life I have seen her quite so distraught. Like the vast majority of the female population, she carried her life in her purse. Any female that is reading this, can probably relate. I remember losing my wallet once and it was damn near the end of my world.

What was different about this time is that aside from the usual mementos and photos she carried with her, she also had a small diamond pendant in her wallet that was meant to be worn on a chain. For as long as I remember she always had this with her as it was from a dear friend whom she cherished greatly. The chain had broken and she had been meaning to get it repaired.

She was upset for days and I heard her say that the only thing she wished was that if nothing else could be replaced, she only wished to have the diamond pendant back. Everything else was replaceable.

About a week had passed and while she had begun the process of replacing things, she was still feeling a lost without her keepsake. Then one day, the police had called and said that they had found her purse in the alleyway behind a Church downtown. She retrieved the purse but the wallet was still missing. About another week later, out of the blue, a man had called and told my Mother that he had found her wallet.

My Mother set out to meet the man and retrieve her wallet. She gave him a cash reward for finding her wallet, which remarkably had all of its contents still intact. She asked the man where he had found it, and the intoxicated man muttered that he had found it along the riverbank, and that was it.

I remember my Mother returning home feeling rather relieved that she had her wallet back. There was something that was missing, however – the diamond pendant.

“Well where did he find it, Mom? Maybe we can go look for it?” I asked.

“Along the riverbank, Tanis.. it could be anywhere.”

My emphatic nature could sense how disappointed she was. Of all things to be missing – a small diamond pendant that probably had no big monetary value – the value was in the sentiment it meant to my Mother. And it was true – with a riverbank that runs through the entire city, the charm that was half the width of my pinky nail could really be anywhere. It was best to just forget about it and accept it as a personal loss and move on.

A couple weeks later, my Mother and I had an argument. I don’t remember what the argument was about, but I will place my bets on it being nothing of real merit and mostly me being a 16 year old teenager full of angst. I was a teenager with a lot of attitude, which I am sure my Mother would love for me to discuss, but I would need another book just for that (sorry, Mom).

As our argument became more heated, all I could think about was running away and finding a way for my Mother to not be so angry with me. I thought to myself, maybe if I can do something amazing like find my Mother’s diamond, she won’t be upset anymore. I laughed at the utter ridiculousness at the thought and slammed the door of my parents’ house and hopped into my pseudo sports car (’89 Ford Probe, in case you’re wondering).

It was pouring rain out and I was in my pyjamas. I don’t even think I was wearing shoes. I just wanted to get away. As I sat there with the keys in the ignition a vivid voice and startling image nestled into my mind.

“Go find her treasure,” it said.


“Go find your Mother’s diamond.”

“What in the f…”

skRiverI saw it clear as day. There, along the riverbank was a small shed and around the corner of it was a bike lying on the ground with one tire missing. And there the diamond pendant was sitting.

This is stupid, I thought. That could be anywhere. But I had nowhere else to go, other than back inside and continue being a snarky teenager and fight with my parents some more. So, what the hell… Why not go check out the legitimacy of this ‘vision’.

So I started driving and stopped by a girlfriend’s house down the block. I banged on the door and as soon as she answered I told her to get in my car because I was going to go find my Mother’s diamond.

“What?! Tanis, that’s crazy… it’s pouring rain outside and how the hell do you expect to find something like that along the riverbank… do you have any idea how silly that sounds?!”

“Just get in the car,” I said. “I’ll show you”.

So we drove down to the river. I parked my car and my girlfriend followed behind me. I’m sure she thought that rather than needing a raincoat, I likely needed a straight jacket instead. Regardless, I kept walking. I didn’t say very much and I felt as though I wasn’t even doing the walking – something else was guiding me.

I crossed the bridge and went down some stairs. There, in a clearing, I saw it. A small shed. Woah. As I walked closer I saw a penny on the ground and picked it up. As I felt it in my hands, I had a strong feeling come over me. A feeling that is beyond what words alone can describe.

“This penny was in my Mother’s wallet,” I said to my friend.

“Okay… Tanis… Whatever you say…”

I turned the corner to go around the other side of the shed. There, lying on the ground was the same bike I saw in my vision – with a tire missing. Without even much scanning I looked to the ground and right there, lodged in the mud – was a tiny purple sparkle.

Well, holy shit.

“I found it! I really found it!” I picked up the diamond pendant and put it in a cassette tape case I had in my purse (Bon Jovi, Crossroads… in case you were wondering).

“How?! Tanis how??” my friend asked.

“I don’t know… but my Mother is going to go crazy when she sees this!!”

I felt like I hit the jackpot and I jetted home. There is no frigging way I am going to be grounded after finding this gem! Literally.

I walked into the house with the biggest grin on my face.

“Mom I have something for you!” I exclaimed to my stern-faced, eye-brow raised, arm-crossed Mother.

I pulled out the cassette case and gave it to her. Dropping into her hand was the diamond pendant and she looked at me with a kind of bewildered amazement.

“Oh my God… How? How did you find this?”

“I don’t know Mom, I really don’t know. I just had a feeling.”

“What do you mean feeling? How did you know?!”

“I just knew Mom. I just knew.”

Needless to say, our little argument had ended. ”


So there you have it – one of many short excerpts of my book. Questions? Comments? Your own stories of magic? Let me know! Maybe it will motivate me to write faster.

Don’t forget… you have the magic within you. You’ve always had it.


(Image Source: Image 1,  Image 2)

April 8

Criticizing… criticism.


I’m going to be hypocritical-ish and rant about one of the things I am most critical about – criticism. One of my biggest pet peeves in life is criticism. Not the useful, constructive kind – but the unnecessary, bully-like, pathetic jargon that offers no intrinsic value.

I usually put my see-no-evil-hear-no-evil blinders on in most cases – but sometimes some of the stuff I see and hear drives me bat-shit crazy. Whyyyyyyy do we not see how useless this is? I could easily seclude myself, and I do to a large degree, but as someone that enjoys being social and connecting with many, I often come across things that make me shake my head at humanity. Shame, shame.

criticism1If I had written this two plus years ago, I would have been the pot calling the kettle black.  One of my most successful past-times was offering up a critical analysis of people I didn’t even know. The more people that enjoyed it and found it entertaining, the more it pushed me to continue. In the end, it only elevated my ego and did not have any real service to my evolution as a human. They say you keep repeating the same mistake until you learn the lesson. Luckily, I did around the 104,957th time (give or take a few thousand).

The other day I logged into one of my social networking sites and the first thing I saw was photo prompting viewers to share their one word opinion of an over-weight woman wearing something that perhaps wasn’t the most flattering. Was it attractive by ‘societal standards’? No, probably not.

But, who cares?

Apparently many.

Thousands of people whose lives have been grossly affected by such a travesty.

OMG. Those courageous souls! Still offering up their own derogatory commentaries – even after they’ve had their eyeballs violated and are still graciously giving another few moments of time to weigh in – ON TOP of the ten seconds they just claimed they will never get back .

How generous!

It’s not limited to a random photo on a Twitter feed or a Facebook page – which I get is an (un)necessary evil, really. Media and celebrity gossip columns are great, too. This is where we get to ignore our own lives, utilize our degree in psychology and  provide endless opinions on someone else’s life – without even knowing the true person on the inside.

Part of life? Maybe. We certainly were not born with it though, so I can’t fully agree. Life is pretty short and I find it saddening how much time we – as humans – spend focusing on everyone else but ourselves.

Think about how awesome it would feel to know yourself just as well as you know the person you’re focusing on!

And for those that get the pleasures of unleashing the critiquing – please, tell me the secrets of having a mistake-free life? Humans are dying to know! (No pun intended).

The point is – it’s very easy to get involved in all the banter, especially if the subject is not something that fits your own views. The one thing I try to do is look for commonalities rather than differences. We aren’t that different. Beyond form, we’re all comprised of the same essence. Everyone is on the same journey from different starting points.

Knowing that, what’s to criticize?

Be mindful of the words you say. Next time you choose to chime in, ask yourself if your intentions come from a positive or negative motivation. Humans are the greatest mirrors for our own selves. What you criticize in one usually lies within your own self – and why would you want to bring yourself down?

Now that I’ve written an hypocritical, criticizing, opinionated piece on criticism… rant = over.